I am trying to stay up a little more, get a little more active, and get on my feet ASAP, so I thought maybe I'd at least sit up and write a blog. I have to say this has not been a peak week for me. I've been chopped open, sewn back up, been nauseous for days, and the whole time I'm going through this my mind can't stop thinking about how I'll have to do it again in a month and it will probably be worse. To say the least, I'm not too happy about that.
My parents had to waste a lot of money and cancel out on a cruise my mom has been counting down to since they booked it. I missed my brothers wedding, and I'll miss his reception today. Everyone has gotten to take their turn sitting around doing nothing waiting to take me to the bathroom, get me something to eat, or finally today (for the first time since Tuesday night) I got to wash my hair over the sink.
I don't know how I got so blessed to have so many helpful, loving people around, but I am so grateful for them. Through all of this, I appreciate them so much more, and I feel more grateful for the little things we do every day that are often taken for granted.
I've had a lot of time laying around to think, and usually people would want to ask why? Why me? Why is this happening now? Truth be told those thoughts have crossed my mind for a moment, but I immediately shut them out. They do me no good, and it ultimately doesn't matter. As all things in life, sometimes these things just happen. God gives us opportunities to grow, and we decide which road to take. I've decided to look at this experience as a chance to re-live girls camp, except it's not as much fun and at least I don't have to use a port-a-potty?
As I have taken quiet moments to ponder, I feel God's love and mercy for me. I know that He is with me. I am so glad that I got the opportunity to go to the temple a few weeks ago. I literally can say, I feel God's power on my side, and with Him I know all things are possible. I know if it was His will, this tumor could disappear. (And just in case He's reading, I'm okay with that happening :) But I also know that sometimes instead of taking away our problems, He gives us a way to get through them. I believe the phrase I've learned most often through the example of my mother, and in my own life is that when you ask God to move a mountain, don't be surprised when He hands you a shovel.
I will take up my shovel, and I will not stop digging until I move all the hills, mountains, and mole hills He asks me to. Usually He does most of the heavy parts anyway.
I guess I really just wanted to write to vent, and to say thank you all so much for your prayers, thoughts, visits, flowers, cards, and support. They have made me again realize what wonderful people I am surrounded by daily, and how much I love you all. We'll see when I find time again to blog, it may not be until I am a married woman ;) We'll see.
<3 Erica
