The Suite Life of Erica

So as I answered the phone for what seemed like eternity yesterday, I had a man call in and tell me about his life living in a hotel. Now, I have seen the Suite Life Of Zack And Cody, but besides that and the movie Two Weeks Notice, I know of no real people who live in a hotel long term. (Okay and maybe Nadia when her family was moving to the US... but besides that, no one.) Even though it was a touch unprofessional, every once in a while I feel the need to humor these people who share way more information then ever necessary or desired. And here is what I learned: If you live in a hotel, they have long term rates that can be cheaper than living in an apartment. They clean your room once a week, supply your shampoo and toilet paper. Can we say continental breakfast? I'm just saying... sweet life indeed. I am pretty sure you have to be a crack dealer or a pimp to redeem this offer, but I didn't get to ask the buy about that stipulation of the contract. On the surface, it seems like a pretty good deal though. And then I realized... I already live this life. Except I don't pay anything... and I didn't have to be a crack dealer or pimp. My parents are simply amazing. I know that soon enough I am going to have to leave my suite life for new adventures, but today I. LOVE. IT.

More to come soon... I love the fall. Going hiking next week, eating some DELICIOUS apples, and seeing the yellow and orange leaves fall from the trees. After four years in Idaho, I learned to love cold weather fashion. And flannel pajamas. I believe I will snuggle back into my bed now and take a nice little mid morning nap. Good night.

A Nose In Need Deserves Puffs Indeed

It's 8:22 AM. I have been up for a couple of hours now, wondering what I am going to do all day today because I called out sick from work. I have this terrible cold, but I see it as a blessing in disguise to have a moment's respite from life's hectic pace. I have already had a plethora of things run through my mind as to what I want to write in this blog. I think about writing all the time, but usually feel too guilty I am not doing something more productive and abandon my one hobby I have tried so hard to keep up with. So to update you on my life, I may be sick today, but I feel an overwhelming sense of happiness and contentment. Not because I have everything figured out in my life, but because I am surrounded by love and friendship and beauty and have had the common sense lately to open my eyes and enjoy it. I have been having these moments where it really hits me how lucky I am to have wonderful friends, a loving family, wise people who inspire me and never even know it, a job, a dog, a brain, a bed, and so much more.

I came to this conclusion at the beginning of this week, after a bit of a slump last week. As a women, I feel it comes so easy to not feel good enough. To feel like we disappoint others and ourselves constantly. I struggle with feeling I can do so much better and falling short of doing it. Friday, Nate, Tiff, G Sauce and I went to Southpark Regal Cinemas to see Eat, Pray, Love. I have wanted to see that movie since I first saw the preview. And although the movie fell a bit short of my expectations, there was one scene that hit me profoundly. As Julia Roberts is talking with her Texan mentor on the roof of the ashram in India he tells her she needs to forgive herself. I find forgiving others generally comes easy for me. I don't know what to do with emotions like anger so I generally try to push them out of my life quickly. But forgiving myself is like asking me to climb Everest. If any of you have ever heard me go off on my Everest tangent, I apologize... to make a succinct point we will just say Everest to me seems like a waste of time and you must be insane if you want to risk your life to freeze your buns off and look off of a mountain for five minutes. But after thinking about it, I have realized that Everest may be one of the most grueling challenges on Earth, but the sense of accomplishment and the beauty you must see from up there must be such a release.

If we could learn to forgive ourselves for not living up to the insane standards of the world and realize what makes us wonderful, what a release it would be. To let go of not being pretty enough, smart enough, good enough and start realizing we are, we may thereby accomplish one of life's most daunting tasks: Acceptance that with God we can do all things, but He may not require them all of you. I always feel like I need to be a five star chef, grammy award winning singer, Ansel Adams, and world's best person, but I don't think that is what God has in mind for me. I can cook meals that are edible, sing on key half the time, take pictures that allow me to remember something beautiful, and try and excel in all that I do and that is enough. Will I try to be better? Of course. But from now on I am deciding that until I perfect my scrambled eggs, its okay if they are a bit rubbery. Isn't it the little idiosyncrasies in people and events that make for the best memories? Find joy in the journey every day. If not, you are missing the adventure.

It is almost September and I am obligated to write something in this blog before the month ends. It's like visiting teaching. I want to slack off, but that ever constant pang of guilt coerces me to do something before the end of the month. Time has flown by lately, which is an oddity in itself since most days at work feel like weeks. Nonetheless, as I look back on things lately, I realize how intricate my life can get. We, the people living in 2010, may be some of the craziest and busiest people to ever roam the earth.

If there were a picture to describe how the neurons and synapses in my brain fire, somedays I believe it would be an empty room full of cobwebs. Other days it would be like JFK airport (only not so dirty). So many changes have happened in the past few months, and a few days ago they all just seemed to process for me. It was like I forgot I was living a life. My life. And I have just been watching it all happen. Like JFK, I seem to get a little backed up in my thoughts, and there are occasionally some major delays. Through the monotony of job, boyfriend, sleep, repeat steps one through three 22 workdays out of the 31 days in a month, we forget how good we have it. Like that I have one of the funniest, most fabulous families on the face of the planet. That even when I don't see some of them but once a year or so, we can pick up where we left off and know if either of us needed anything, we would be there in a heartbeat to help out. I may have the best boyfriend in the whole world, who indulges me by feeding into my childhood fantasy of being a princess because he treats me like one every day. And I have probably taken much more than I have given from the relationship in the past and he has not once complained or stopped giving. My friends provide me with daily laughter and enjoyment and constantly remind me of who I am and cheer me on. I would say life rarely goes as expected, but God has been so good to me.

I am ready to go to bed, so I better wrap this thing up. I'll share an insight that struck me this past week. I was driving to church on Sunday and I had barely begun driving when I noticed the most hideous turkey buzzard eating some poor creature who must have had some rather poor luck the night before. This buzzard, to describe buzzards in Virginia terms, looks like it got straight beat with the ugly stick. They are big, and bristly, and all around nasty creatures. Not to mention they wait around to eat off of dead or dying creatures. Essentially they prey on animals who have already had a rough enough time. As I passed it thinking it must be one of the ugliest creatures in the world, I had the thought pop into my head... it may be the most ugly creature on the planet, but God loves it. It is a buzzard, it takes advantage over others, it is an insignificant, ugly as sin, bird. And God is mindful of it and loves it because it is one of his creations. Some days I don't feel like I am much better than a buzzard, sometimes I feel better than it, and somedays I feel like I am it, but God loves me. And He opened my eyes this week to so much. He helped me understand that even when we meet people who are like ugly turkey buzzards to us, He still loves them and expects us to do the same. Not just tolerate them, or pass them by, but to love them right on back. After finishing the book Mockingjay this week, I have just thought how much this world needs a little more love and kindness. And I am so grateful that this week I was finally able to see all the love and kindness I am surrounded by. When the whole world seems to be going crazy I am so glad that I can be grounded by the support of those around me. Thank you!

Darcie's Getting Married!

This blog post has nothing to do with that. It was just a ploy to get her to read my blog and a thought I was having at the moment. July has been busy. If I hear someone bug me one more time to write a blog, he will have to bring me a substantial amount of rainbow cookies and flowers to get out of the dog house he will be in. I am sad I have not been keeping up with this thing like I should. I have had so many good ideas about what to write, and not enough hours in the day to write them all down. But in an attempt to not write a novel this post, I will get to business.
Last weekend, CDENNEKD^2 all got to go up to Palmyra, New York to see AB. (I have short handed the names in traditional style... if you don't get it... don't worry about it :p ) Ash Bash was in the Hill Cumorah pageant in Palmyra, and seeing as she was playing Mary, we felt it appropriate to make the 9+ hour trip to see her. The pageant was awesome, but I really loved going around to all the different LDS church history sites. I went to the Sacred Grove, Joseph Smith's home, Hill Cumorah, and the Palmyra temple. It was an awesome experience to say the least. For those of you not up to par on LDS church history, we believe God and His Son, Jesus Christ, appeared to Joseph Smith in the patch of woods now called the Sacred Grove. I can't imagine what it would be like to walk through Jerusalem, because going to the Sacred Grove you could just feel the importance of the place. A short distance away was Joseph Smith's frame and log home. To REALLY condense a lot of facts, there were two houses on the site. A home that they built when they had first arrived in Palmyra so they could begin their farm, and a bigger house that they could actually all fit in. After much sacrifice and struggle, they had built a decent home, and were kicked out of it due to some shady dealings and a poor growing season. There is a quote outside of their nice home that they were only able to live in for a short time. When I read it, it hit me hard. Lucy Mack Smith, Joseph Smith's mother said this as they left behind essentially everything they had put their sweat and tears into:
"I now give this up for the sake of Christ and salvation and I pray God to help me do so without one murmur or tear... I will not cast one longing look upon anything which I leave behind me."
WOW! I hope I will become that person one day. What determination! No more "what if's" or wishing I could go back. Its comes so natural to want to go back to a place in life we knew and were comfortable in. Its easy to long for the past or obsess about the future, but I applaud those who know how to live in the moment. I think I am slowly learning to do this. To close my eyes for a moment and put a strand in the Pensieve (thank you Harry Potter... I am awaiting your two part arrival with anticipation). I guess the muggle world would call it meditating. Lately I have the need to close my eyes, take a deep breath, and feel the calm, happiness. For me it is to feel at one with God. For others, perhaps it is the universe or yourself. But there is a definite need to become grounded again in something. Whatever you believe in or whatever you do, you have to find that inner peace. A refuge from the chaos of life. That's what writing helps me to do...work through and find the inner peace. Chocolate lava cake helps me do that too. I will go get some now and stop this blog. Good Day.

A total ECLIPSE of the heart...

Oh... what? Eclipse comes out on June the 30th? No, of course I do not have a mental countdown until I see it at the midnight showing. Or maybe I dooooooooooo. But seriously, I don't feel like there has been any hype about this one at all. Not that it matters, because I am hyped for the third installment of the Twilight series to come to the silver screen. Why you ask? Well if you must know, here are the top three reasons why I LOVE TWILIGHT!!! Number 1: Most people can relate to some part of the story 2:Because no matter the age of the woman watching, they all still giggle when Jacob takes off his shirt... hilarious! And 3: BECAUSE JACOB TAKES OFF HIS SHIRT!! Arrrrooooooogah! Haha. Anywho. Back to the point of this blog. There will be some kind of deep thought now. As I was laying outside watching the moon rise above the trees tonight and enjoying some much needed peace and quiet, I had time to think about some things. Nate dropped by the house while I was laying out there and asked me what I was doing and what was on my mind. I don't know about the rest of you, but I rarely wish to share what is on my mind (and no it is not because most of the time it is inappropriate... or maybe it is...haha). Expressing myself is much easier in writing, and generally when I do this I keep my thoughts to myself. This blog is the only big exception to that rule. But I think a lot of the time I don't share what is on my mind because I don't know if other people will get it.
For those of you who have been living under a rock and have not read the Twilight series, Edward (Bella's main man and mindreader extraordinair) cannot read Bella's thoughts. But at the end of the last book, Breaking Dawn, she finally finds a way to allow him to do so. He gets to read her mind, therefore truly understanding what she means. What people wouldn't give big bucks to be able to do that?! How much easier life would be if we were able to see things from other people's prospective.
Getting to the real point of what I was thinking about, sometimes I wish people could really get what I am trying to say. Not just get it, but that they would be able to experience something the way I do. A complete understanding. As I sat on the back deck listening to the deer traipse through the woods and looking at the stars, I felt like I had some profound thoughts. But when I tried to tell someone else about them, they did not seem quite so profound. I felt silly for thinking such simple thoughts were so deep. But truly some things in life you can never understand until you experience them for yourself. Some moments in life are so beautiful and so unique to you personally it is impossible to describe them adequately. No picture does it justice, no words are eloquent enough to describe it, and nothing truly seems to capture what you feel. I guess that is kind of how God's love is though. That's how truth and intellegence seems to affect us. I try to explain it constantly to people, or show them, but until someone experiences it for themselves they will never quite get it. I wish that I could just have people understand me or something I am trying to explain... but I guess until I become a vampire I will have to put that on the back burner. So, to summarize... sometimes I wish that people could just be in my mind for a second so that I wouldn't have to explain myself. I can write much clearer than I can orate (even though after reading this I am sure half of you have no idea what I am talking about), and maybe I will just start using a Speak & Spell for all my conversations with other people. The End.

And Not A Minute Spent To Think That We'd Regret...

A shout out must first be made to Alisa and Rachel. It was so nice to hang out with my darlings tonight. Not that I don't love the rest of you, but there is just something about your girls from high school, ya know? They've always got your back and they get you. I love not having to explain myself to someone. So to A and R, thank you!! You are just what I needed this week. And thanks to Brianna for reminding me that I have a blog haha. I am back in business.
Something has been grating on my nerves lately and it must be brought up. Why must everything in the world be fake!? Now I will admit, some fake things I really enjoy. Anyone who has talked to me in the last week knows that I LOVED my spray on tan. Other fake things I enjoy are knock off designer clothing, fake engagement rings, and white Michael Jackson (though I loved him when he was black too). But lately I feel the imitations are getting out of hand. We have created such a fake world these days it is difficult and nearly impossible to tell what is real. Give me almost anything these days and I could tell you something that is a fake replacement for it. Usually these fake things start out as something little and then escalate into something bigger. I will explain by using something that used to be one of my favorite topics... food.
In the beginning of time, people ate what was on the land. We were nomadic scavengers. We got a little smarter and domesticated some animals and plants and finally we could set up a permanent residence. We realized how much work this took, so we looked for a way to simplify and make things a little easier. Lets skip most of this history lesson and get to the point. Today, how many people know what real food is? I personally eat way more freezer meals a week then I would ever want to admit.
If you were a child growing up today I believe you may not know that meat bought at the store came from an animal. Ask them how sugar and flour are made. Would they even know they are made from plants? This seems ridiculous to some of you, but try to go a week without eating something processed and you will see how impossible it can be. We are so accustomed now to the processed, ready to eat meals that it is no wonder our country is so obese, this is all we know now. I went to the Farmer's Market here last week and someone was selling bananas with the Dole sticker still on them. Seeing how it is April and I live in Virginia, I am pretty sure he didn't grow those and would be willing to wager his name isn't Bob Dole. Could he not grow some lettuce or other plant to bring to the table? Searching for fresh produce in Richmond is a task. There are few places you can buy whole foods and fewer people attempting to grow their own food. We let the artificial things take over so much we almost lose control of what is real.
So I would let you all know, I am sick of the counterfit. I am sick of the world telling women they constantly need to be whatever they are not. I'm sick of society telling me if I have this item or that outfit I will feel good and be happy. I don't understand how anyone can figure out how to live life these days through all the false messages being portrayed. There is so much crap and it is so easy to step in it. ( Sorry if that was an non-ladylike way to say that..) I legitimately don't know what I would do without the guidence of church leaders and things I have studied out myself. I don't know how people can function without it. I get so lost every day in the craziness of the world, that I don't know what else could keep me grounded.
So as I always do, for those who haven't caught on and are tired of reading my mega long posts, I will summarize. I need to beware of those things that are fake. I am going to remember to look for the genuine things and not be afraid to sacrifice for them. I know they will be worth it.

Weezer Says It Best

So I have been having a bit of a dilemna lately. Isn't that how all these blog postings start? It's called, I am really sick of working and wasting my life on my job that bores me to the point of not knowing whether to attempt slitting my wrist with the plastic spoon in my drawer or not. (I did watch a documentary about prison the other day and prisoners who can create deadly weapons out of plastic utensils... but that is another blog post for another day.) Weezer sums it up well in the song Troublemaker. "I can't work a job like every other slob. Punching in and punching out and sucking up to Bob. Keep it on the up. I'm never giving up." Okay so I am not suicidal and I dpn't even have a plastic spoon at my desk. I have used them all for my contraband oatmeals in the morning. Work is not that bad, but I never know whether to scream, or cry, or throw up out of sheer disgust for my job. I can hear my mom saying in my head right now... Don't put so much energy into what you don't want, it just attracts it to you. Well I can't work more than 40 hours a week, so hit me with your best shot universe. But seriously, how do people do the same thing every day? Shift work is the most utterly ridiculous thing ever. I get so bored with the same thing every day. I know we have to have money to do things like eat, buy clothes, and provide our necessities, but I think I would have been happier in the olden days, farming, sewing my own clothes, and reading books and visiting with people for amusement. There are so many cool things we have the opportunity to do now that we have not had in previous times. Like traveling the world and making friends that are miles away. Or eating strawberries all year round. Taking a hot shower whenever we want or flushing a toilet. Awesome stuff, but I think I could give those up. My electric toothbrush on the other hand, I may have a rough time letting go of, or air conditioning... but anyway. The point is, I just don't get it. What's the big deal with money? What do I need it for? This capatalistic system we set up forces me to make money to feed myself and have a roof over my head, but what worth is it to me if I don't get to enjoy my life? I sit in an office, can't even see the outside all day long, and am too tired to go do something I enjoy afterwards. Doesn't this seem like a waste of life to anyone else? Part of me wishes I could feel comfortable with all this monotony. That I could be satisfied with doing the same boring thing every day. But I am not. I am searching for an escape. For some fun and adventure. If I didn't have such wonderful friends and family to take my mind off of how much I dislike 5 out of the 7 days in the week, I sincerely believe I would go insane. If I'm not there already. Aren't we here to have joy? I think I need a little more in my life. I know this means I need to look around and be grateful for all the things I have... I have a tendancy to say 'thanks for all these wonderful things, but...' and I need to be better. It's not really being grateful if you are still wanting more. So I will start a gratitude journal. That is the point of this post. Darcie says my posts are way too long or intellectual. So for the sake of my sister, now that you read this whole dang thing, I can wrap it up in two words. Be Grateful.