Something of Substance

substance |ˈsəbstəns|

noun
2 the real physical matter of which a person or thing consists and which has a tangible, solid presence 
Tonight I watched 20/20. Stephanie Nielsen was on. AKA the Nie Nie Dialogues. If you don't know who I am talking about, you may have been living under a rock. To recap, she is a fabulous woman who was in a terrible plane crash which severely burned most of her body. She survived and has overcome so much during her time of recovery, which she is still undergoing. I not only admire her for the immense physical and emotional pain she has overcome, but for being a loving wife and a PROUD mother.Motherhood so often gets swept under the rug as unimportant, though it is one of the most important things in the world. I love that she has been able to not only showcase her faith in many different forums, but she has been able to proclaim that motherhood is cool! (Admittedly it may not be cool for it to happen to me right now... I'd like to get one growth out before growing another.)What I love about Nie Nie though, and so many other strong woman, is they are themselves and people are drawn to them. So often in order to fill a void of inadequacy or wanting to fit in we turn to celebrities or other people we admire. We try to be or be like someone else. While we should search for the positive in everyone and try to attain the traits we want to have, at the end of the day it's relieving to just be me. I feel my best when I do something and it is distinctly me. The distinct me I have been all my life because that is the way God made me. We feel are best when we are living in the full splendor of our divine potential. When we are just being the way God made us, and carrying on his work the way he intends us to, we are fulfilling our calling in life.I often wonder what substance I am really made of. The real physical matter that makes me... well me. If you are what you eat, then I am probably 60% trail mix and 40% spinach. An odd combination I'll admit. If it's defined by clothes, I am my indian reservation moccasins and some skinny jeans. If it's defined by what I do everyday, lately it would be scrap booking and dreading doctors visits. But I think it's much more then that. It's all about the adjectives. I am Unconquerable. Happy. Determined. Wise. Vivacious. Curious and Careful. And right now very sleepy. I hope that is how people see my substance at least. What's your adjective?And now I will cut this post short. N is watching himself on the Price is Right on repeat. He got on when we went to the taping on our honeymoon. I think he just likes hearing the announcer say "Nathaniieeelll Eaton, come on down". Maybe if I say his name like that now he will come to bed and be quiet. I'll give it a try, and if I remember I'll let you know how it goes.

And it's over!

  The wedding is finished. N asked me what I was going to do with all my free time, I told him if I ever get some I would let him know. Life has slowed down some since the wedding, but then there are thank you cards to make and deliver, Mother's Day presents to be gotten, bills to be paid, names to be changed, bank accounts to amend, doctor's visits to orchestrate and more! Sheesh!
  Wedding plans may be over, but unfortunately this tumor business isn't. I was anxiously awaiting my next doctor's visit to see what the next step would be, and lo and behold he has decided to refer me out yet again. He said if I were his daughter, he'd take me to Duke Medical Center and see a Vascular surgeon there. I didn't get a copy of my MRA (yes, MRA is correct), but we did see it in the office. Apparently Morty is much larger than I had anticipated. He has wrapped throughout my ribcage, and is covering a significant portion of my side/back. Needless to say, I wanted to break down and cry on the spot out of frustration, anger, and fear... but I did not! (I held it in until N and I got outside) The thing is, I don't want to go to North Carolina. I don't want any more medical testing. No more poking at my extremely rare tumor having doctor's say "come take a look, you'll probably never see this again". Frankly, I don't ever wish to hear those words at a doctor's office again, nor do I want to have my back chopped open with a cleaver.
  But such is life. And I know God must have a really interesting path and purpose for this little adventure. I'd be really interested to know what that is right about now, but I will take the answers when they come. In the mean time, all positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated. I know I have nothing to complain about, seeing how it could be so much worse, and I am grateful for a wonderful husband now to cheer me on.
  Today N went back to work. It was the first time in our married lives that we have been apart for than 2 hours. It seemed to go okay. I was so busy with cooking a turkey and fixing wedding pictures I barely had time to think about it. It's astounding how much closer N and I have become in a little over a week. So far, so good. This being married business gets a bad rep, but I think it's pretty rewarding. We get stuff done so much quicker since there are two of us! Thank you synergy.
  I will write a normal blog post soon. I wanted to post before N got home tonight since I am exhausted and cannot wait to go to bed!

**BREAKING NEWS! SERIOUS HEALTH ALERT FOR SOON TO BE BRIDES**

Because I am SO smart and have finished up my temporary job, I have decided to try my hand at different professions until one of them sticks and I find a new one. Today I have decided to try out the medical field and be a doctor. I know today is Sunday and I shouldn't be working, but hopefully the Big Man upstairs will understand. During my first few hours of my new profession I have discovered a new disease, and have decided to publish in my blog for now until I can submit it into a real medical journal.  I discovered this disease, though not highly contagious, affects a large number of future brides, though age does not seem to play much of a factor. I have decided to call this new disease, Hapanxious Nervexcitis. You all may be wondering how I discovered this new disease and unfortunately, I discoverd it because I have it. (Don't worry, since I'm a doctor I self-diagnosed myself.)

So what is Hapanxious Nervexcitis?

It seems for the past two weeks I no longer attain the ability to sleep through the night because I have been so happy, slightly-anxious-that-everything-is-going-to-go-smoothly, nervous, and excited for the wedding (we'll just shorten the feeling to Hapanxiously Nervited). This plague can cause moodiness, nonsense ramblings, inability to focus, fatigue, extreme hunger and thirst, intestinal distress, and other symptoms not yet discovered.

The onset of this new disease, Hapanxious Nervexcitis, or HN, can begin suddenly during dating and last months until it is properly treated. Treatment plans include Tylenol PM, meditation podcasts, just getting up at 2 am every day and finding meaningless projects to occupy you until someone else wakes up (fortunately for me, my mom never sleeps so I usually don't have to wait too long), counting sheep, getting a glass of water, writing, reading, or JUST GETTING MARRIED ALREADY!

Not all brides will be affected as severely, but all those planning a wedding are highly likely to catch this malicious disease in some degree or another. If you would like to join this clinical study, or the support group, feel free to leave a comment below. As a doctor, I believe my HN is on the way out. I believe in 6 days it should begin to resolve itself, with flare ups only occurring with the onset of pregnancy, buying a home, or finding a new job. I hope all of you will be on the alert for this new disease and warn your friends about this trend. Early warning signs and diagnosis are usually the best way to successfully treat disease.

April is here!

Wow! Can I just say I never thought April would get here? But it is here and I need to get my tail in wedding gear. I lost a week, and since Nate has to work tomorrow, my Mom and I are going to try and find my wedding shoes and accessories (we're getting into crunch time here folks!) So I have been trying to find some pretty hairstyles that I may like for my wedding. N would probably be upset if he knew I was still up since I told him I was going to bed at 9:30, but it's Friday, so I figure I can always sleep in, right?
Well as I was looking for some cute up-do's, I happened to stumble upon these beauty's. Even though laughing pulls on my back and then in turn makes me want to throw up, this was worth it.

The Boar

The Giraffe

The Foxy Lady

I saved this one for last, since I am getting married the day before Easter it seems most appropriate...

The Happy Easter

So, I think I've really made some progress tonight on finding an up-do for our special day. I told N I wanted it to be unique, yet wind resistant, and I believe these fit the bill. I'd also like to take a moment to apologize to you Nadia, I know this blog probably freaked you out, but I had to post them. I have to go to bed now. We'll see if these pictures give me really creepy or really funny dreams tonight, it's a toss up which way it will go.

Oh and do yourself a favor and watch General Conference this weekend. Best two days of television EVER!

Life's like a garden... dig it.

I am trying to stay up a little more, get a little more active, and get on my feet ASAP, so I thought maybe I'd at least sit up and write a blog. I have to say this has not been a peak week for me. I've been chopped open, sewn back up, been nauseous for days, and the whole time I'm going through this my mind can't stop thinking about how I'll have to do it again in a month and it will probably be worse. To say the least, I'm not too happy about that.
My parents had to waste a lot of money and cancel out on a cruise my mom has been counting down to since they booked it. I missed my brothers wedding, and I'll miss his reception today. Everyone has gotten to take their turn sitting around doing nothing waiting to take me to the bathroom, get me something to eat, or finally today (for the first time since Tuesday night) I got to wash my hair over the sink.
I don't know how I got so blessed to have so many helpful, loving people around, but I am so grateful for them. Through all of this, I appreciate them so much more, and I feel more grateful for the little things we do every day that are often taken for granted.
I've had a lot of time laying around to think, and usually people would want to ask why? Why me? Why is this happening now? Truth be told those thoughts have crossed my mind for a moment, but I immediately shut them out. They do me no good, and it ultimately doesn't matter. As all things in life, sometimes these things just happen. God gives us opportunities to grow, and we decide which road to take. I've decided to look at this experience as a chance to re-live girls camp, except it's not as much fun and at least I don't have to use a port-a-potty?
As I have taken quiet moments to ponder, I feel God's love and mercy for me. I know that He is with me. I am so glad that I got the opportunity to go to the temple a few weeks ago. I literally can say, I feel God's power on my side, and with Him I know all things are possible. I know if it was His will, this tumor could disappear. (And just in case He's reading, I'm okay with that happening :) But I also know that sometimes instead of taking away our problems, He gives us a way to get through them. I believe the phrase I've learned most often through the example of my mother, and in my own life is that when you ask God to move a mountain, don't be surprised when He hands you a shovel.
I will take up my shovel, and I will not stop digging until I move all the hills, mountains, and mole hills He asks me to. Usually He does most of the heavy parts anyway.
I guess I really just wanted to write to vent, and to say thank you all so much for your prayers, thoughts, visits, flowers, cards, and support. They have made me again realize what wonderful people I am surrounded by daily, and how much I love you all. We'll see when I find time again to blog, it may not be until I am a married woman ;) We'll see.
<3 Erica

66 Days... Just 66 More Days!

There is a reason the people in that picture are staring and pointing, they are saying "Nate and Erica are getting married there in 66 days!" In case you were wondering, that means Nate and I have already waited 109 days since we got engaged. But really we have been waiting OUR WHOLE LIVES! Between the two of us that makes it around 53 years.

Salt Lake City Temple

Seems like a long time, doesn't it? 

But to be able to go inside and proclaim we are worthy and waited patiently to do so, knowing afterwards we will be together for eternity, it's worth it. I have spent my whole life trying to live in a way that would prepare me to go enter into the temple. If you can see that gold looking window in the middle, it says, "Holiness to the Lord, The House of the Lord". Fifty-three years doesn't seem so long to be able to enter one of the most sacred and amazing places on earth.

The other day as I was thinking about everything, I felt overwhelmed at how grateful I am not only for having a wonderful family and great friends who helped me make good choices, but having a fiance who has done the same. I couldn't ask for more. Well... I could... but it makes me look a little ungrateful when I think about the little things I worry over haha.

So really I just wanted to tell everyone (in case you haven't seen everyone I know post it on my facebook already) I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!! We are taking engagement pictures this weekend, so you will probably get a sneak peak at those pretty soon. We are finalizing food and flowers,  gathering music for the PAR-TAY, and hopefully these crazy people at the dry cleaners will GIVE ME MY DRESS BACK!!

Get On The Bus, It's Time To Go

This song popped into my head today, and it made me want to write a blog! My dear friend The Ataris say, "Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up, these are the best days of our lives. The only thing that matters is just following your heart and eventually you'll finally get it right." I refuse to look back longingly to the past, but we have to look back occasionally to understand the future.

I have had a lot of really good people in my life. Good friends and family who have supported me and loved me through all sorts of things. As I come to a giant crossroad in life, I am glad I followed my heart. I must say, I am pretty sure I got it right. You may not always know what the future has in store, but you know you just have to push forward in faith occasionally. God has closed some doors in my life recently (or in some cases slammed them), but I can see Him opening the most brilliant windows. In these moments all I know how to do is follow my heart and know it will all work out.

When I was little I would occasionally think something magical would happen in my room as soon as I left. Like on Toy Story, I was hoping to see my toys come alive. So after I would walk out of my room and close the door, I would wait a second and then quickly burst in again to see if some sort of party was now taking place. Needless to say, I have yet to barge in on my teddy bears having tea. It is crazy to me that sometimes I still do that. I've closed the door on a part of my life, but then I want to peak back in and see if maybe I am missing out on something. When you take time to peak back into the room, it may seem harmless, but usually you'll end up missing the sunshine through the window.

As I embark on my biggest journey yet, I see plenty of sunshine up ahead and I am going to open all the windows I can!