Three Lessons I Learned this Year

Here we are again at the end of another year. I would say 2013 has easily been the best year of my life. The hardest year by far, filled with overwhelming joy and learning experiences. I have decided to repost a few things I have learned this year.

Your body will change after you have a baby! 

This was a phenomenally written piece. Can I say I am happy with my new body every day? No. But if there is a price to be paid for this amazing experience I will pay it. I don't need the body I had when I was 20. I'm not 20 anymore, and I would never go back to being there again. I've learned so much. I thank God every day for this beautiful baby he has blessed me with and understand His love so much more because of her.

Everyone needs help sooner or later. Usually they just need to be reassured they are loved!

My entire life has changed this year. Almost every part of my identity has been altered or modified as I stepped out of my comfort zone into the journey of motherhood. I had to adjust to becoming a mom, staying at home, and the biggest change of all was my relationship with Nate. We have become parents together, and no one prepared me for how it would change our marriage. Things are wonderful, but it is still a challenge. Mostly after long and tiring days with the baby or work, we are now having to make efforts to connect. Where once our relationship was effortless, it now requires intention and purpose to keep things on track. Time together is so important and it needs to be intentional. We are working on finding time to be together everyday and being present in those moments.

We feel complete as we fulfill the divine roles God has given us.

I believe God has given each one of us divine callings. For some they will accomplish amazing feats, like Noah building an ark. For millions of others who have lived on the earth we do what seems like ordinary things, sometimes with no recognition of the greater purpose it serves. I believe family is essential to God's plan of happiness on the earth. I believe it is a divine calling to be a mother. This has been reaffirmed to me by this feeling of happiness and completion I have felt since becoming one. I have always felt like God has something for me to do, and constantly felt discontent, as if there was something more for me. I believe God still has many other purposes and roles for me to accomplish, but I have found peace in motherhood. A contentedness, feeling I am doing a great work, a work which has been divinely commissioned for me to do. I don't believe it a coincidence that Emerson is a part of our family. I believe we are meant for each other. For Nate and I to teach her and her to teach us important life lessons. There are so many people who search everywhere for their purpose in life, and even I am guilty of it, when it is so simple and right in front of us.

May God's blessings be upon each of you in 2014. Happy New Year!

Word!

In Mormonism there is a standard of health revealed by the prophet Joseph Smith in 1830 called the Word of Wisdom. It is something I have been thinking about a lot lately. Growing up Mormon we heard lessons on Sunday about it all the time. And every time we would have the lesson it would go something like this: DON'T: Drink, smoke, do drugs, drink tea and coffee and etc. DO: Eat your fruits, veggies, and grains, exercise, sleep as needed.

But as I have been reading books about our food system and how crazy it has gotten, I have really struggled to know how to eat best for myself and the baby... and my husband... but I've stopped trying to convince him to eat healthier... you can bring a horse to water but you can't make 'em drink ;) (I love you Nate!)

I have recently read Michael Pollan's books In Defense of Food and The Omnivore's Dilemma. They seem to touch a lot on the subjects I've been studying.

In the Doctrine and Covenants 89:4 it warns us about evils and designs of conspiring men, perhaps the type of people Pollan talks about in his books, who scientifically process and modify "foods" to make us want to eat more or to cut back on costs for themselves while making more of a profit off their foods that we are finding cause all sorts of "Western diseases" (Heart disease, type 2 diabetes, hypertension, obesity, and more.)

So how do we combat these issues, the scriptures tell us to eat wholesome herbs and fruits in the season they grow and grains like wheat, rice, and oats should make up the bulk of our diet. Meat is to be used sparingly and would preferably be used only in times of winter, cold, or famine.

The biggest thing I realized I needed to fix was to do all these things with thanksgiving! Generally in our home we pray before every meal and we give thanks for our food, but how often do I just say those things and not really act on them. I know most of you are in the same boat as me, with lives so busy we are frequently eating fast food, making and eating meals as quickly as possible to try and make a few extra minutes available in our day.

Thanksgiving means to acknowledge and give thanks to God. When we are really grateful for a gift, we could just say thank you, but doesn't it show more gratitude when we savor the gift. We are glad in our hearts, we take time to use the gift, we use it with prudence, making sure not to squander it away and think about its future.

In my own life I know I can use a good dose of this type of gratitude in all areas, not just food, but I have realized to follow the counsel God gave me in these passages we call the Word of Wisdom, I need to be more conscious of where my food comes from, making sure its a sustainable source, to quote my Italian heritage to enjoy "La Dolce Vita" the sweetness of life by savoring all aspects of it. To me it means making a meal and sitting down to enjoy it with family and friends. To bring back meal time where we forge friendships and learn to appreciate the sweet things of life.

This also means not gorging at meal time... enjoying a slice of cake rather than cramming my stomach to the brim with it... no matter how good it is. I've realized I have become a bit gluttonous and when I have a small taste of something really good, instead of enjoying it, I scarf it down without even taking time to chew and taste it.

So this is the new goal for eating. To live in constant thanksgiving. And to enjoy living La Dolce Vita.

Underoo Mishaps

Well time flies when you are having fun! It has been a crazy 4 months... Emerson is getting so big and I am excited to get some updated stats at the pediatrician's office next week. (Not so excited about the shots... but such is life.)

Motherhood has not been the easiest transition for me though. I doubt myself, and sometimes wonder how I have managed to keep myself and her alive. It seems like all the mamas around me have their stuff together and I feel like I am a hot mess all the time. And it spirals downward from there and I fall into a trap of thinking I am unable to do anything right for my baby or myself.

In fact on Sunday, Nate was being a mad man doing laundry, making dinner, and taking care of virtually everything in the world. I was taking care of the baby. And I tried to not ask him for help because he was super busy, but I had worn a dress with a tricky zipper up the back and wanted to ask him to unzip it for me. But determined to do something on my own and not to bother him, I wiggled and tugged but could not get it off. And that is when I realized the zipper was snagged. I sheepishly slumped down the stairs to Nate to ask for his help. I was feeling pretty ridiculous at this point but kept it together even though I wanted to cry (sleep deprivation makes you cry about everything!). And then we discovered the real issue. The dress got snagged on my underwear! 

Seriously!?

It gets better though. This particular dress was tailored to flatter curves. But my new curves were a little too much. Nate stood there tugging as I frantically tried getting it off any way I could. The dress would not budge. The jaws of life were going to need to be called in. Nate had to use all his manly strength to rip my poor underoos out of the zipper, which luckily did not result in an atomic wedgie as I believed it would, and the zipper broke off, freeing me from dressy prison and leaving a nice breeze on my backside from the ginormous hole the ripping left.

And so this blog was to say, thank you to my wonderful husband Nate. Being parents is not easy and we are still adjusting to having three in our family, but we are committed to each other. He is so patient as he takes care of our house, changes loads of diapers, and now has to rescue me from myself...or my newly breezy wardrobe...

Thank you Nate. I know I couldn't do this without you.

The Day I Put On Mom Jeans

So yesterday for the first time I ever, I put on my first pair of "mom jeans". No I don't mean metaphorical mom jeans... I mean MOM JEANS! Anyone who lived through the 80's and 90's knows what I'm talking about. The high waisted jeans that have super long pockets that moms think make them look like this:

When in reality they look more like this:

Such are the cold hard facts of life. You have a baby and your body is never the same. But I am not the same either. After years of teasing my Mom for her sweet, sweet mom jeans, repeatedly telling her no one in the world wears mid-rise or high-rise jeans, I found myself in a dressing room trying desperately to find a pair I could call my own.

Starting my undergrad classes at Mom University, I find myself toting a freshman 15 I cannot seem to get rid of. And people expect you to get rid of it.

But this week I decided I don't care what a number on the scale says and will not be starting out the day stepping on it to see if I am down a pound or not. I'm not wasting time in mourning my newly striped belly. Because they are now a constant reminder of what I have been through to get to where I am now. I just don't care anymore, because where I am now is MAJESTIC and GLORIOUS.

This girl is worth it. Every stretch mark, every pound, and every spit up stain on my shirt. I know what my purpose in life is. To watch this girl grow and teach her what it means to love. To love herself, to love those around her, and to love God. And it seems all over the place people are wanting to take a piece of that glory. To steal away precious moments of majesty by spending more time obsessing about getting back into those pre-pregnancy clothes, to be able to have it all and do it all, and to feel like being a mom is not enough. But it is enough. And so much more. It is hard. It is tiring. But every smile, every giggle, and every little milestone she reaches makes my heart soar. (And who knew watching someone roll over was so exciting!?)

So it is with pride I put on my mom jeans and thank the inspiring woman who first taught me the true beauty of them.

My Mother!

Practicalities

practicality |ˌpraktiˈkalətē|noun ( pl. -ties)2 ( practicalities) the aspects of a situation that involve the actual doing or experience of something rather than theories or ideas

A vocabulary lesson for you my friends. This word defines this new journey into motherhood I have begun. As soon as people find out your pregnant, they start giving you advice. Little pearls of wisdom learned by others along their life's journey, shared whether you ask for them or not. "Sleep when baby sleeps." "Don't spoil her by holding her too much." The list goes on.
Well I have learned a few things in the past few weeks. Like don't EVER leave home without a diaper bag. When you can't get a baby to latch on and feed, you don't care how many strangers see and handle your boobs. Sleep is a valuable commodity. A box of diapers won't last as long as you think. The first few days the baby is here, any noise she makes can put you in a panic. Babies are one of the most amazing and awe inspiring sights you'll ever see. Love at first sight is real. And not just the sort of puppy love you fall out of, but the type of love that enables people to walk through fire. And it scares you beyond belief to think something bad could happen to her. Oh, and don't leave rubbing alcohol on the counter near your contact solution when you are working on 3 hours of sleep...don't worry I caught myself before I burned my eyeballs into an oblivion.
And people may have told me these things before I had Emerson, but none of it was practical to me until she was here.
I'm sure you have all heard on Facebook by now, but I gave birth to beautiful Emerson Lily Eaton on June 8th at 4:02 pm. A lot of people have asked how the Hypnobirthing worked and how everything went, so I will tell you now.
I went into labor on Friday,  June 7th and was pretty glad because I was set to be induced on Monday. I noticed I was having steady contractions while Nate and I were watching The Rainmaker. It was about 8 pm and I was having contractions about 12 minutes apart. After the movie was over, I put went upstairs to bed and tried to sleep knowing this was most likely the real deal and I would need all the rest I could get. I put on my hypno tracks and tried to relax. After a few hours I was starting to get uncomfortable and decided to try sitting in the tub for a while. For me, the tub was not comfy. I was getting too hot or sitting on the tub was too hard and when I felt the contractions I would have to squirm around in the tub to try and get some relief.
Here is where I will tell you about Hypnobirthing. It requires a lot of practice and a dedicated birthing partner who is going to prepare with you. There are relaxation techniques and things they teach you that I feel really work, but if you are trying to do it alone you won't be very successful. I have a high anxiety personality and think I needed someone there to remind me to relax and walk me through things. So other then listening to a cd that came in the Hypnobirthing book, there was not any real preparations on our part. If there is a next time, I want to have Gina Kochany be my doula. She is awesome and I think it would have helped to have someone like Gina there to guide me through the birth experience. All in all, I am glad we took the Hypnobirthing course, and I think it helped, but I think it would have been more effective had we practiced what we were preached!
So I labored through the night, and woke Nate up after calling Jennifer (my amazing midwife) at 4 am and telling her we were ready to come in to the hospital because my contractions were about five minutes apart. I called my Mom and told her there would be a baby today! We got to the hospital and got settled in. Once Jennifer arrived she checked to see how things were going, and I was actually a bit disappointed to hear I was at four centimeters. I was hoping after 10 hours I would be a little more dilated!
We walked the halls, and I labored on. We came back to the room around 7:30 am and I had Jennifer check me again. I needed some encouragement to keep going because at this point I was getting pretty tired. I was at a 5. I asked for an IV bag of fluids in the hopes I would perk up a little, and Jennifer asked if I wanted her to break my water. Slowly I felt like everything in my birth plan was melting away and got a little discouraged. I asked about the pros and cons for breaking my water and was worried knowing that once your membranes release, you are on a time crunch for delivery. She told me it would most likely speed things up, but the contractions may get a bit more intense. I agreed to have my water broken and we discovered Emmy had pooped already and had meconium in her amniotic fluid.
At 10 am, I was at 8 centimeters and I could REALLY feel the contractions. Hypnobirthing teaches you to change your frame of mind from pain to pressure, but when you are having all the intense things happen in your body, you sort of forget anything anyone has ever told you. I felt like things were just becoming too intense for me to cope with. I asked Jennifer how much longer she thought it would take!? If someone could promise me it would only be an hour or two more, I would have pressed forward. But I was exhausted and finally I asked if it was too late for an epidural? And once I got the epidural around 11 am it was instant relief. I could feel the contractions, but not the pain.
With my Mom, Nate, and Jennifer by my side, we waited and I tried to get some rest as instructed. I couldn't sleep, but finally at 3 pm I had made it to 10 centimeters and it was time to push. In Hypnobirthing they teach you to use the natural expulsive reflexes of your body and  you shouldn't really push, but I couldn't feel anything below my belly button really so that part went out the window as well. After an hour of pushing, Nate caught the baby and Emerson was finally here. Because of the large amount of meconium and Emmy wasn't taking any real breaths, they had to take her pretty quick and suction her out. As soon as I saw her, I thought... man, she looks like Nate! And then was a little bummed out that she didn't look more like me. After carrying her for nine months, she wasn't even my mini-me!
I can't describe the feelings of joy and relief I had once I got to hold her in my arms. What a little wonder she was (and is). She was wide eyed and looking all around. Not crying or anything, just curious to see what was going on around her. 
And there you have it. Emerson's birth story. Things did not go how I had planned or really wanted them to, but she is a healthy baby and at the end of the day that is what really matters. Should there be a next time, I will try again to have the natural birth I really wanted. And hopefully can prepare a little better.
Thank you to everyone for your well wishes, dinners, and presents. We have been showered with love and are so grateful, even if we have been to busy changing diapers and trying to catch naps to fully show it. I am amazed at mothers every where, and am convinced the teenage attitude years would never happen if we could remember what our parents went through taking care of us when we were babies!

Hoping, Waiting, Wishing

So I was hoping my May blog post would have been the story of Emerson's birth. Clearly that did not happen. So I missed the month of May and decided I would just write a little June update. My nephew Camden predicted I would have the baby on June 1st. With two hours remaining in the day, it is pretty safe to say I don't think it will happen. If it does, then at least I had a quick labor and delivery :)

We are getting very anxious to meet the little one. She seems to be doing well. Still finding ways to squirm all about in the tight space she is residing in. And I am still trying to find joy in the journey every day. This morning Nate and I were just waking up, and I looked down at my belly and talked to Emerson and told her it was okay if she wanted to come today. And we watched as she practiced her breathing, and we could see her little lungs pushing her chest up and down and working like a pro. It is crazy to look down at your belly and see a little person making breathing motions inside.

It reminds me of faith. How we see pieces of things, even when we don't have the full picture. We get moments of these tender mercies, where we feel the love and joy of God. And although we can't see Emerson, we know she is in there. That we will see her. She will be even more wonderful than we have imagined. Holding this tiny little miracle Nate and I made together.

So I wait as patiently as possible. Knowing soon I will see the whole picture, and not just get pieces of the puzzle. We will see if she snores like Nate when she sleeps, if she has her mother's ears or her daddy's eyes. And it will feel complete. This journey we have been on for the past 9 months has come to and end and we will be grateful for the experiences we had. I can't wait to see what other new lessons this baby teaches us. We already love her so much, it will be amazing to have her here to hold in our arms and call her ours. Birthdate - to be announced.

Thoughts Lately

Something has been bothering me lately. BIG TIME. Isn't that the only thing that drives me to blog? It seems to be getting increasingly worse, and with everything going on in the political world, I feel like it is only going to continue to spiral downward.

I would consider myself to be pretty accepting of people, respecting them for who they are and what they believe, and in return asking for the same respect.

My brother-in-law Clin reposted a blog entry entitled "Let's Stop Worrying About Being The Same" by Josh Bingham, and it was exactly what has been on my mind. It talks about how the author isn't ashamed of what he thinks and believes, even if it may be different from others viewpoints, but because we don't want to offend others we just keep quiet. In my case, rather than have people try to berate me into believing what they do, I just don't mention it. I'm not into confrontation. I enjoy having an educated conversation and learning about viewpoints different than my own, but cannot stand having someone who will not listen back or accept their may be an opinion besides their own.

Josh goes on to state this:

Obviously things like politics exacerbate that feeling of different-ness. With social media, our whole lives are on display to be judged and poked over. When I was in college I didn't necessarily know the political leanings of my friends unless we actually had a conversation about it. Now I can just check out some one's profile and infer a lot of things about their life based on which things they've liked. And it is easier and easier to surround yourself by people who think the exact same way that you do and assume that everyone else is clueless, or uninformed, or obtuse.

This is my thought exactly. It seems lately, anytime someone has a differing opinion, the first conclusion drawn is the person must be some sort of bigot, idiot, or religious extremist. Just listen to a minute of political commentators like Bill Maher or Rush Limbaugh, they are always calling someone an idiot because they don't agree with what they have to say.

So Josh quotes a great excerpt on this topic that was just addressed in my church's biannual conference. Elder Uchtdorf says:

But while the Atonement is meant to help us all become more like Christ, it is not meant to make us all the same. Sometimes we confuse differences in personality with sin. We can even make the mistake of thinking that because someone is different from us, it must mean they are not pleasing to God. This line of thinking leads some to believe that the Church wants to create every member from a single mold—that each one should look, feel, think, and behave like every other. This would contradict the genius of God, who created every man different from his brother, every son different from his father. Even identical twins are not identical in their personalities and spiritual identities.

 It also contradicts the intent and purpose of the Church of Jesus Christ, which acknowledges and protects the moral agency—with all its far-reaching consequences—of each and every one of God’s children. As disciples of Jesus Christ, we are united in our testimony of the restored gospel and our commitment to keep God’s commandments. But we are diverse in our cultural, social, and political preferences.

Finally the answer to many of my prayers lately to try and understand the chaos around me. In this quote, I have comfort.

I agree that it is okay to be yourself. That it is paramountly important to be yourself. And believe what you want to believe. And make your own decision about how you want to live your life. The atonement is for everyone, not just people who think exactly what you do. Even though Josh has opposite view points from me on some topics, we agree on this fundamental point and that is love. It is okay to agree to disagree. Ultimately we still need to love each other. There is enough hate and ugliness in this world without people adding to it. We need more love and compassion, and less of the craziness and violence.

But I do feel the need to clarify some things. I feel like I need to set the record straight and voice my opinion, and not as a comment on someone's Facebook status where it is bound to get 100 ugly retorts back. I am having a baby and I don't need to invite all that drama and negativity into my life!

To touch on a couple hot topic issues of the day, I believe that I have the right to own a gun. I don't even want one, but I don't feel like taking away people's rights makes anyone safer. Reform some of the weak points, but I believe in the Constitution. Just because a document is old, doesn't make it irrelevant. If it did, people wouldn't read through classic literature or like movies from different decades.

I think abortion is wrong. And we are getting into a lot of trouble trying to rationalize away our morality as a society. Since when is aborting (terminating) a life different from murder? Anyone can read through a thesaurus and let you know there are tons of words that mean the same thing. As a rule of thumb, if it has a beating heart, it's a living thing and I think people need to think more seriously about what they are doing. I understand there are extenuating circumstances, but with the amount of precautions and preventative measures we now have, I don't see how anyone who just can't be responsible should be able to end an innocent life. If you are mature enough to be having sex, you should be mature enough to be accountable for your actions.

I think way too many people think they are entitled to things they are not. I don't believe I should have to pay my hard earned money to pay for birth control pills for someone else or to pay for all these other things we are legislating in for people lately. Maybe if I didn't have to deal with people who make terrible decisions on a daily basis and then expect people to clean up their messes I'd have a little more sympathy, but since when should people be able to buy nicer things than me, but then say they don't have money to pay for health insurance or a place to live? As a responsible adult, I go without some things I want because I feel it is wrong to make someone else pay my way, and I don't expect people to give me hand outs. Once again, I know some people really do need help and I don't have a problem with that.  This pretty much sums up how I feel about this topic.

I hope everyone who reads this with a differing opinion from mine will not be offended and will listen at least to the first part of what I said. You be you, and I'll be me. And we can love each other, even though we may be different. Or even if we think the same. It's okay if you think something else, I respect that and I think its part of what makes life interesting. How boring would it be if we all thought the same things?

And thank you for a letting a pregnant lady get some weight off of her chest. I've got enough in my belly right now, I can't afford to be carrying anything extra.