Why?

Have you ever noticed that life goes on a cycle? We have times where life seems routine and easy, and then where everything seems challenging. In life right now, I would say Nate and I are in the easy zone. Though I am sure we will be back to the challenging side of things when we have two babies. (I linked the announcement... we had a taste of a viral video and made it on GMA and the Today show!)

A few years ago when Nate and I were first married, it seemed like something was always going wrong. Doctors visits, hospital stays, deaths in the family, struggles with work... we seemed to be catching tastes of it all. And then at some point, things leveled off and we were no longer constantly treading water, trying not to drown. We were on top, floating on by through life. The life cycle. Your life gets flooded, you resist drowning in it, and eventually you stop treading water and learn to float.

That is the purpose of life. To get knocked down and to get up again. To learn. To progress. To ultimately return back to live with God, wiser then when we left His presence and hopefully more like Him.

But sometimes life just seems unfair. Because life IS unfair. Its part of living in a fallen world, things just don't work out for us sometimes. If you are like me though, you want justice. Nothing bad happens to good people and people who do bad things fail. But rain falls on the just and the unjust. Hardworking people lose their jobs, healthy people you love get cancer, and lots of other seemingly awful things occur every day. And you try to make sense out of it all. Why? Why does this have to happen to me? Or him? Or her? But there is no point trying to figure it out, because most of the time we don't get an answer. It's just life.

As I have had people close to me struggle with challenges much bigger than my own, especially things that are SO unfair, I often wonder why God couldn't have provided a miracle? Where was the lamb in the thicket or the angels to shut the mouths of the lions? Why would He let something like this happen? When things are hard, I admit there are times where I've wondered, where is my miracle?

And at church on Sunday as I pondered why hard things have to happen, it was reconfirmed to me once again that when there is no lamb in the thicket, or if God doesn't send angels to shut the mouths of the lions, He already provided the miracle. "In the gift of His Son hath God prepared a more excellent way (Ether 12:11)". 

Through the atonement of Jesus Christ, all things are made right. All the inequities and injustices of life will be reckoned for. And instead of dwelling on the "why?", I felt God's love fill my heart with hope. For the new day. For second chances. For the time when all will be made right by Him. And though the "whys?" still pop into my head, His peace has comforted my heart and I know that He is in control. Though I don't understand, I have faith in His plan, and that is what carries me forward.

Call to Repent

In church today, I gave a lesson entitled "Faith and Repentance". I had NO idea how to give this lesson. It spoke about the need to call others to repentance. It was hard to reconcile the idea of calling someone to repentance vs. judging others. After reading lots of devotionals, talks, and speeches on the matter, this was what stuck out the most to me. The following excerpt is from a talk entitled People to People by David B. Haight:

Arturo Toscanini, the late, famous conductor of the New York Philharmonic Orchestra, received a brief, crumpled letter from a lonely sheepherder in the remote mountain area of Wyoming:
“Mr. Conductor: I have only two possessions—a radio and an old violin. The batteries in my radio are getting low and will soon die. My violin is so out of tune I can’t use it. Please help me. Next Sunday when you begin your concert, sound a loud ‘A’ so I can tune my ‘A’ string; then I can tune the other strings. When my radio batteries are dead, I’ll have my violin.”

At the beginning of his next nationwide radio concert from Carnegie Hall, Toscanini announced: “For a dear friend and listener back in the mountains of Wyoming the orchestra will now sound an ‘A.’” The musicians all joined together in a perfect “A.”

The lonely sheepherder only needed one note, just a little help to get back in tune; he could go on from there. He needed someone who cared to assist him with one string; the others would be easy. Then, with all strings in tune—in harmony—the lonely sheepherder would have a source of companionship and joy and could play uplifting strains.

My expressions and encouragement this morning are to God’s children whose batteries may be low or with strings in need of tuning, those whose souls were one time touched by the words and teachings of the Master and His servants but have been attracted away into other interests and activities. Some may have been neglected or not sufficiently involved in a meaningful Church responsibility or may have a feeling of injury or hurt or even unworthiness.

Some have allowed themselves to get out of tune. They may have lost the pitch and drifted from the original score. The Savior of the world gave rules to live by and taught principles of love that encompass concern and encouragement:
“Come unto me, all ye that labour,” he said, “and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
“Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
“For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matt. 11:28–30.)

He did not limit or say “all who are perfect come unto me” or just the rich, or just the poor, or just the healthy, or those without sin, or those who pray the longest, or just the sick. His invitation is to all: “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest,” comfort, peace; “for my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”


Sometimes when our batteries are running on empty and we make a wrong decision or two and our lives get out of harmony, we just need a little help. One note of encouragement or help to get us on the right path. Repentance isn't about judgement and guilt. Yes, we should feel sorry for what we've done, but the joy of repentance is turning away from the sin and getting back in tune with God. Its about love.

Lately my life has seemed a little out of tune. Not that anything in my life is egregiously wrong, just that I haven't been as close to heaven as I'd like to be some days. In the hustle and bustle I forget to do those things which bring me back to God. It was such a tender mercy to be assigned to teach this lesson and another testament of God's goodness and guidance in my life.

It's For Your Own Good

Missed the January post.. I know I know... but when your baby only sleeps in one hour increments it seems difficult to get anything done during the day. Last night she slept through the night. It. Was. HEAVEN.

Occasionally when God has something for me to learn he lets me struggle until I figure it out. At other times I get subtle nudges. And rarely I get words directly whispered in my ear. God's message to me the other day was so clear I thought I should write it down, so I am sharing it with all of you. I caught myself telling Emmy "You don't understand this, but it is for your own good" when trying to clothe her the other day. She was sobbing, and it was freezing, and I just needed to put her in some warm clothes! As a mother, I know staying warm is more important than her desire to free spirit around town naked, but she didn't care and tried to squiggle away by any means possible.

How often does God say that exact phrase to us? When our lives seem to be crazy difficult, and we don't know if we can take anymore, how many times has God told us, "I know you don't understand, but this is for your own good!". And we are angry with Him, even though He knows what is best for us.

I heard Him say those exact words to me, to allow me to understand that He is in control and will lead me where I need to be. I may not understand His plan for me all the time, but need to know He knows what is best and will make all things good for me. For all of us.

Three Lessons I Learned this Year

Here we are again at the end of another year. I would say 2013 has easily been the best year of my life. The hardest year by far, filled with overwhelming joy and learning experiences. I have decided to repost a few things I have learned this year.

Your body will change after you have a baby! 

This was a phenomenally written piece. Can I say I am happy with my new body every day? No. But if there is a price to be paid for this amazing experience I will pay it. I don't need the body I had when I was 20. I'm not 20 anymore, and I would never go back to being there again. I've learned so much. I thank God every day for this beautiful baby he has blessed me with and understand His love so much more because of her.

Everyone needs help sooner or later. Usually they just need to be reassured they are loved!

My entire life has changed this year. Almost every part of my identity has been altered or modified as I stepped out of my comfort zone into the journey of motherhood. I had to adjust to becoming a mom, staying at home, and the biggest change of all was my relationship with Nate. We have become parents together, and no one prepared me for how it would change our marriage. Things are wonderful, but it is still a challenge. Mostly after long and tiring days with the baby or work, we are now having to make efforts to connect. Where once our relationship was effortless, it now requires intention and purpose to keep things on track. Time together is so important and it needs to be intentional. We are working on finding time to be together everyday and being present in those moments.

We feel complete as we fulfill the divine roles God has given us.

I believe God has given each one of us divine callings. For some they will accomplish amazing feats, like Noah building an ark. For millions of others who have lived on the earth we do what seems like ordinary things, sometimes with no recognition of the greater purpose it serves. I believe family is essential to God's plan of happiness on the earth. I believe it is a divine calling to be a mother. This has been reaffirmed to me by this feeling of happiness and completion I have felt since becoming one. I have always felt like God has something for me to do, and constantly felt discontent, as if there was something more for me. I believe God still has many other purposes and roles for me to accomplish, but I have found peace in motherhood. A contentedness, feeling I am doing a great work, a work which has been divinely commissioned for me to do. I don't believe it a coincidence that Emerson is a part of our family. I believe we are meant for each other. For Nate and I to teach her and her to teach us important life lessons. There are so many people who search everywhere for their purpose in life, and even I am guilty of it, when it is so simple and right in front of us.

May God's blessings be upon each of you in 2014. Happy New Year!

Word!

In Mormonism there is a standard of health revealed by the prophet Joseph Smith in 1830 called the Word of Wisdom. It is something I have been thinking about a lot lately. Growing up Mormon we heard lessons on Sunday about it all the time. And every time we would have the lesson it would go something like this: DON'T: Drink, smoke, do drugs, drink tea and coffee and etc. DO: Eat your fruits, veggies, and grains, exercise, sleep as needed.

But as I have been reading books about our food system and how crazy it has gotten, I have really struggled to know how to eat best for myself and the baby... and my husband... but I've stopped trying to convince him to eat healthier... you can bring a horse to water but you can't make 'em drink ;) (I love you Nate!)

I have recently read Michael Pollan's books In Defense of Food and The Omnivore's Dilemma. They seem to touch a lot on the subjects I've been studying.

In the Doctrine and Covenants 89:4 it warns us about evils and designs of conspiring men, perhaps the type of people Pollan talks about in his books, who scientifically process and modify "foods" to make us want to eat more or to cut back on costs for themselves while making more of a profit off their foods that we are finding cause all sorts of "Western diseases" (Heart disease, type 2 diabetes, hypertension, obesity, and more.)

So how do we combat these issues, the scriptures tell us to eat wholesome herbs and fruits in the season they grow and grains like wheat, rice, and oats should make up the bulk of our diet. Meat is to be used sparingly and would preferably be used only in times of winter, cold, or famine.

The biggest thing I realized I needed to fix was to do all these things with thanksgiving! Generally in our home we pray before every meal and we give thanks for our food, but how often do I just say those things and not really act on them. I know most of you are in the same boat as me, with lives so busy we are frequently eating fast food, making and eating meals as quickly as possible to try and make a few extra minutes available in our day.

Thanksgiving means to acknowledge and give thanks to God. When we are really grateful for a gift, we could just say thank you, but doesn't it show more gratitude when we savor the gift. We are glad in our hearts, we take time to use the gift, we use it with prudence, making sure not to squander it away and think about its future.

In my own life I know I can use a good dose of this type of gratitude in all areas, not just food, but I have realized to follow the counsel God gave me in these passages we call the Word of Wisdom, I need to be more conscious of where my food comes from, making sure its a sustainable source, to quote my Italian heritage to enjoy "La Dolce Vita" the sweetness of life by savoring all aspects of it. To me it means making a meal and sitting down to enjoy it with family and friends. To bring back meal time where we forge friendships and learn to appreciate the sweet things of life.

This also means not gorging at meal time... enjoying a slice of cake rather than cramming my stomach to the brim with it... no matter how good it is. I've realized I have become a bit gluttonous and when I have a small taste of something really good, instead of enjoying it, I scarf it down without even taking time to chew and taste it.

So this is the new goal for eating. To live in constant thanksgiving. And to enjoy living La Dolce Vita.

Underoo Mishaps

Well time flies when you are having fun! It has been a crazy 4 months... Emerson is getting so big and I am excited to get some updated stats at the pediatrician's office next week. (Not so excited about the shots... but such is life.)

Motherhood has not been the easiest transition for me though. I doubt myself, and sometimes wonder how I have managed to keep myself and her alive. It seems like all the mamas around me have their stuff together and I feel like I am a hot mess all the time. And it spirals downward from there and I fall into a trap of thinking I am unable to do anything right for my baby or myself.

In fact on Sunday, Nate was being a mad man doing laundry, making dinner, and taking care of virtually everything in the world. I was taking care of the baby. And I tried to not ask him for help because he was super busy, but I had worn a dress with a tricky zipper up the back and wanted to ask him to unzip it for me. But determined to do something on my own and not to bother him, I wiggled and tugged but could not get it off. And that is when I realized the zipper was snagged. I sheepishly slumped down the stairs to Nate to ask for his help. I was feeling pretty ridiculous at this point but kept it together even though I wanted to cry (sleep deprivation makes you cry about everything!). And then we discovered the real issue. The dress got snagged on my underwear! 

Seriously!?

It gets better though. This particular dress was tailored to flatter curves. But my new curves were a little too much. Nate stood there tugging as I frantically tried getting it off any way I could. The dress would not budge. The jaws of life were going to need to be called in. Nate had to use all his manly strength to rip my poor underoos out of the zipper, which luckily did not result in an atomic wedgie as I believed it would, and the zipper broke off, freeing me from dressy prison and leaving a nice breeze on my backside from the ginormous hole the ripping left.

And so this blog was to say, thank you to my wonderful husband Nate. Being parents is not easy and we are still adjusting to having three in our family, but we are committed to each other. He is so patient as he takes care of our house, changes loads of diapers, and now has to rescue me from myself...or my newly breezy wardrobe...

Thank you Nate. I know I couldn't do this without you.

The Day I Put On Mom Jeans

So yesterday for the first time I ever, I put on my first pair of "mom jeans". No I don't mean metaphorical mom jeans... I mean MOM JEANS! Anyone who lived through the 80's and 90's knows what I'm talking about. The high waisted jeans that have super long pockets that moms think make them look like this:

When in reality they look more like this:

Such are the cold hard facts of life. You have a baby and your body is never the same. But I am not the same either. After years of teasing my Mom for her sweet, sweet mom jeans, repeatedly telling her no one in the world wears mid-rise or high-rise jeans, I found myself in a dressing room trying desperately to find a pair I could call my own.

Starting my undergrad classes at Mom University, I find myself toting a freshman 15 I cannot seem to get rid of. And people expect you to get rid of it.

But this week I decided I don't care what a number on the scale says and will not be starting out the day stepping on it to see if I am down a pound or not. I'm not wasting time in mourning my newly striped belly. Because they are now a constant reminder of what I have been through to get to where I am now. I just don't care anymore, because where I am now is MAJESTIC and GLORIOUS.

This girl is worth it. Every stretch mark, every pound, and every spit up stain on my shirt. I know what my purpose in life is. To watch this girl grow and teach her what it means to love. To love herself, to love those around her, and to love God. And it seems all over the place people are wanting to take a piece of that glory. To steal away precious moments of majesty by spending more time obsessing about getting back into those pre-pregnancy clothes, to be able to have it all and do it all, and to feel like being a mom is not enough. But it is enough. And so much more. It is hard. It is tiring. But every smile, every giggle, and every little milestone she reaches makes my heart soar. (And who knew watching someone roll over was so exciting!?)

So it is with pride I put on my mom jeans and thank the inspiring woman who first taught me the true beauty of them.

My Mother!