Something of Substance

substance |ˈsəbstəns|

noun
2 the real physical matter of which a person or thing consists and which has a tangible, solid presence 
Tonight I watched 20/20. Stephanie Nielsen was on. AKA the Nie Nie Dialogues. If you don't know who I am talking about, you may have been living under a rock. To recap, she is a fabulous woman who was in a terrible plane crash which severely burned most of her body. She survived and has overcome so much during her time of recovery, which she is still undergoing. I not only admire her for the immense physical and emotional pain she has overcome, but for being a loving wife and a PROUD mother.Motherhood so often gets swept under the rug as unimportant, though it is one of the most important things in the world. I love that she has been able to not only showcase her faith in many different forums, but she has been able to proclaim that motherhood is cool! (Admittedly it may not be cool for it to happen to me right now... I'd like to get one growth out before growing another.)What I love about Nie Nie though, and so many other strong woman, is they are themselves and people are drawn to them. So often in order to fill a void of inadequacy or wanting to fit in we turn to celebrities or other people we admire. We try to be or be like someone else. While we should search for the positive in everyone and try to attain the traits we want to have, at the end of the day it's relieving to just be me. I feel my best when I do something and it is distinctly me. The distinct me I have been all my life because that is the way God made me. We feel are best when we are living in the full splendor of our divine potential. When we are just being the way God made us, and carrying on his work the way he intends us to, we are fulfilling our calling in life.I often wonder what substance I am really made of. The real physical matter that makes me... well me. If you are what you eat, then I am probably 60% trail mix and 40% spinach. An odd combination I'll admit. If it's defined by clothes, I am my indian reservation moccasins and some skinny jeans. If it's defined by what I do everyday, lately it would be scrap booking and dreading doctors visits. But I think it's much more then that. It's all about the adjectives. I am Unconquerable. Happy. Determined. Wise. Vivacious. Curious and Careful. And right now very sleepy. I hope that is how people see my substance at least. What's your adjective?And now I will cut this post short. N is watching himself on the Price is Right on repeat. He got on when we went to the taping on our honeymoon. I think he just likes hearing the announcer say "Nathaniieeelll Eaton, come on down". Maybe if I say his name like that now he will come to bed and be quiet. I'll give it a try, and if I remember I'll let you know how it goes.

And it's over!

  The wedding is finished. N asked me what I was going to do with all my free time, I told him if I ever get some I would let him know. Life has slowed down some since the wedding, but then there are thank you cards to make and deliver, Mother's Day presents to be gotten, bills to be paid, names to be changed, bank accounts to amend, doctor's visits to orchestrate and more! Sheesh!
  Wedding plans may be over, but unfortunately this tumor business isn't. I was anxiously awaiting my next doctor's visit to see what the next step would be, and lo and behold he has decided to refer me out yet again. He said if I were his daughter, he'd take me to Duke Medical Center and see a Vascular surgeon there. I didn't get a copy of my MRA (yes, MRA is correct), but we did see it in the office. Apparently Morty is much larger than I had anticipated. He has wrapped throughout my ribcage, and is covering a significant portion of my side/back. Needless to say, I wanted to break down and cry on the spot out of frustration, anger, and fear... but I did not! (I held it in until N and I got outside) The thing is, I don't want to go to North Carolina. I don't want any more medical testing. No more poking at my extremely rare tumor having doctor's say "come take a look, you'll probably never see this again". Frankly, I don't ever wish to hear those words at a doctor's office again, nor do I want to have my back chopped open with a cleaver.
  But such is life. And I know God must have a really interesting path and purpose for this little adventure. I'd be really interested to know what that is right about now, but I will take the answers when they come. In the mean time, all positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated. I know I have nothing to complain about, seeing how it could be so much worse, and I am grateful for a wonderful husband now to cheer me on.
  Today N went back to work. It was the first time in our married lives that we have been apart for than 2 hours. It seemed to go okay. I was so busy with cooking a turkey and fixing wedding pictures I barely had time to think about it. It's astounding how much closer N and I have become in a little over a week. So far, so good. This being married business gets a bad rep, but I think it's pretty rewarding. We get stuff done so much quicker since there are two of us! Thank you synergy.
  I will write a normal blog post soon. I wanted to post before N got home tonight since I am exhausted and cannot wait to go to bed!